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Hi my loves!

I have to admit, I have been inconsistent. I haven’t been writing for awhile, and the reason being is simple- I didn’t feel like it. The past few months I have been out of touch with myself, and needed time away to navigate those feelings. I didn’t feel right about using All Things Honest when I was struggling to be honest with myself. Today’s post is for myself and is quite vulnerable, so bare with me as it’s been awhile. I’m choosing to set fear aside of signing back on and sharing what is truly on my heart and mind, because that’s the whole reason I created this space.Today's post is straight out of the journal. Here goes nothing!

I always have thought I need to fit into a certain box, or exceed everyone’s expectations of who they want me to be. I began to pressure myself to try fit into multiple boxes. I wanted to be that version of myself who gets glam everyday and shares her style inspo. I wanted to be the version where I expressed the love for my body each and everyday. I wanted to share fun ways to help the environment and make a difference. Where as all of those things started as my passions, they became something I was no longer doing for myself. Don’t get me wrong, those all are a huge part of my life, but I started to try to be so many things at once. The stress became heavy when I was going out for happy hour’s in the best outfit, but I was trying to hide my body because my tummy felt heavy. Or when I forgot to bring bags to the grocery store and had to leave with plastic ones. Writing down these things now seems silly, but I became so hard on myself to make everyone else happy and be this person I’ve been, I couldn’t even be happy myself. I became stressed that I couldn’t be everything at the same time, but I was looking at it all the wrong way.

All I had to do was begin to accept who I am. I don’t need any of those boxes or niches, because all of those traits make me the person I am. I don’t want to fit into a category or commit to one topic of interest because I am much more than that. I don’t run everyday but I am a runner. I forget my reusable bags or mug but I still advocate for the earth and do my best. When I nanny I wear sweats and a hoodie and my outfits are very far from anything stylish, but I still love to keep up with the latest trends and put on my favourite outfit on the weekend. I love to sit at home on a Sunday and be productive, but I also love to go out on Saturday nights and stay up until 4 am. I love my body and all it does for me, but there are still days I struggle. I love to surround myself with the outdoors, but also love TV. You see everything on social media of who you should be and what’s cool and trending, and when I was down it was a nice distraction from facing myself. Rather than dealing with how I was feeling, I pushed farther away and got deeper into the hole. I quit doing things for me, and did more for the mainstream audience. I was lost for so long with which part of my identity I identified with, but I've come to realize… it's all of them. Who I am is much larger than just one box.

Just because everyone is doing certain things or living a different life doesn’t make your’s less valuable. I think it’s cool to be a homebody. I think it’s cool to want to stay out until sunrise. I think it’s cool of you to buy a house, or travel the world. I think its cool how different we all are, and that truthfully, there’s no wrong way to do it. It’s cool of you to just follow your heart and do what you need to do, regardless of what everyone is telling you to do. It’s up to you how to spend your time and as long as it’s making you happy, it’s going to be worth living. We are uniquely made up of memories, experiences, trauma, downfall’s and dreams. We continue to make mistakes and we continue to learn from them. I forgave myself and freed myself of the guilt I was carrying. I let go of what I thought others were thinking of me, and thought about what I thought of me, and I was able to become free again.

I think that what we are all doing is just trying to figure it out, and it’s beautiful, it’s messy, and it's scary. I can appreciate my downfall because today I am that much stronger. Every moment in your life has brought you to this one, and every moment from here on out will lead to another. I don’t know where I’ll be five years from now, or even next year. I know some people seem like they have it all figured out, but for me I’m just not one of them at this moment. I’m choosing to allow myself to just be. Each day is brand new with moments I will forget and memories I’ll hold close. My goal for the rest of this year is to just be. Allow myself to be free, and erase the lines that create the box. I hope to be back soon.

Cheers,

Hunty

PS. I'd like to shoutout my sweet friends, family, and partner who have checked in on me, been there to listen, and shown me nothing but support and understanding on my journey. Special thank you to Ty for your patience, unconditional love, and gentleness when I wasn't there for myself. I wouldn't be me without any of you.